God wants to cuddle with me.

Sitota is not the greatest at cuddling. Actually, she hardly ever comes in for the “tuck”. You know, “the tuck”? When a baby just puts their sweet little head right in the crook of your neck. It feels so good. Just being together. I want her to trust me. To come to me for comfort. To come to me for the sheer joy of just being together. Tonight I tried really hard. I have read in books and I spoke to another adoptive parent here at the GH about the benefits of skin to skin time to encourage bonding. I thought I would try it.  The evenings are cool here and the window was open so it was a bit cool in our room. I stripped her down to her diaper. No matter how I tried she just kept her head up, looking around. “What’s that noise? What’s that flickering light? Who’s out there?” Her head kept swinging from one distraction to another. Finally, in desperation I shut the door and turned off the light and stood in the corner where it was the darkest and the fewest distractions. I began to pray and gently guide her head down to cuddle with me. Then it hit me! “God, you want to cuddle with me don’t you? How many distractions do you have to remove for me to turn to you for comfort and joy? Don’t I know how good it feels to rest my head on you? Have I never learned to rest in you? Am I this busy? Do I constantly look around at ever flickering light?
Maybe God wanted to teach me this lesson through my pursuit of Sitota’s cuddles. Maybe even in this I have a lesson to learn. In fact, I’m sure I do. My prayer has now changed. “Lord, help me to cuddle with you, to come to you for comfort and not to all the flickering lights that are constantly vying for my attention. Also, Lord, may Sitota cuddle with me and every time she does may I be reminded of my need for you and how good it feels when I turn to you.”